When You Finally Realize
by ChemicallyEnhanced
Summary: It really takes two to make a relationship. Masamune belatedly realizes this.


Disclaimer: I don't own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi because I'd get so tired.

Sometimes I think that this will happen—when I'm feeling particularly subdued.

* * *

Ritsu sighed inwardly as he felt the weight of someone's warm hand wrapping around his wrist, pulling him backwards. He didn't even have to glance back to see who it would be. Only one person on this planet, out of seven billion people in the world, would ever grab his hand like that and expect him to follow compliantly. He sighed out loud and turned around, yanking his hand back at the same time.

"What is it, Takano-san?"

"I want you to come over tonight."

And, wasn't that what they usually did? Not really _banter_ —no, they weren't close and intimate enough to do that—but mostly arguing on one side and rejection on the other side. Wasn't that their game? Ritsu had never really thought about it all that much, but when he looked back on all of his interactions with Takano-san, they were all the same. Takano demanding his attention, Ritsu rejecting, Takano kissing him to shut him up, and then inadvertently sleeping together. Granted, the sleeping together wasn't all that bad—it _always_ felt kind of amazing—but just…everything else. Everything else was just the same; it always happened and the same things always came out of it.

Ritsu couldn't hold back his sigh this time. No more playing this constant game. It was getting so tiring. "I really don't want to."

Takano seemed genuinely surprised for a moment, before he schooled his expression back into that blank indifference. "What do you mean? You don't mean that."

Ah, _this._ Takano's certainty that Ritsu harbored the same desperate feelings towards him as he did ten years ago but just didn't want to admit them. Maybe Ritsu felt something for Takano. He didn't know. Sometimes he even wanted to acknowledge those feelings, give Takano something to hope for instead of feeling that overwhelming guilt flooding his system whenever he rejected the older man. Most of the time, though, he just wanted to be alone.

Letting out a long breath, Ritsu rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Did I stutter, Takano-san? I really do mean that. _I don't want to spend time with you._ "

This time, Takano couldn't keep the shock from his face, his bronze eyes wide. "You…what?"

Never in Ritsu's life had he ever seen Takano not be able to finish a sentence like that. If he weren't so tired, he would have felt an odd sense of pride at being able to leave the Tyrant Boss of _Emerald_ speechless like that. But he _was_ tired, and Ritsu just wanted to go home and sleep. He was done with this.

"Yes, so…" There really wasn't anything else to say now. "I'll see you at work tomorrow morning." Ritsu turned to hopefully catch the last train on the subway, leaving Takano standing there in the bitter cold like he could do nothing else but stay still.

* * *

Masamune was…well, there wasn't really a word to describe it. He wouldn't have said broken, because his heart wasn't in pieces— _yet_ —and…maybe Ritsu was just feeling exhausted yesterday and just couldn't deal with him at that second. It still didn't make it hurt any less. Ritsu _didn't want to spend time with him._ Out of all the ways Ritsu could have rejected him, that was one of the worst ways. It wasn't even "Stop" or "Let go of me", normal indications that Ritsu wanted to be with him but couldn't let go of his pride and stubbornness long enough to admit it. It was _I don't want to spend time with you._ Masamune felt his chest throb faintly, that feeling that still hadn't gone away since the day before.

 _What was he going to do?_

Clearly Ritsu was done. That was obvious. Ritsu didn't respond normally to his forceful invitations anymore, or his attempts to kiss him, so…what? Was that it? Did Masamune have to give up now? If he couldn't get _some_ kind of reaction out of Ritsu, then there really was no point. That meant Ritsu didn't even _hate_ him; it was the same sort of apathy that Masamune himself had grown up feeling. Apparently now Ritsu felt this way towards him.

This hurt.

Masamune lifted his head from staring at the dirty, off-white tiles of the convenience store to the cashier in front of him, waiting impatiently. He set his items on the counter and waited as the person on the other side scanned the crap he was planning to eat. The cashier's hair was brown, like Ritsu's, though not quite the same shade. And it didn't look at soft.

God, why did Ritsu have him in the palm of his hand like this? There was a time that Masamune didn't really _rely_ on Ritsu's company in order to be happy; he could've been alone and that was that. He didn't need to be happy. And then stupid, idiot Ritsu had to waltz into his life and make a mess of it. Masamune couldn't even have a normal thought without relating it somehow to that brown-haired, green-eyed angel he wished could love him. Ritsu really had Masamune on a fucking leash; like some kind of dog. And it just… _hurt_ , it hurt so much to think about how Ritsu acted towards him yesterday.

"…sir?"

Blinking, Masamune looked up to see the cashier glancing at him, somewhat worriedly. He didn't need their damn concern, he thought angrily to himself as he shoved the correct amount of yen in the guy's hands and rushed out with his things.

He just needed Ritsu.

* * *

No, he couldn't give up yet. He'd waited _ten years_ for Ritsu, and if some errant reaction from him was enough to deter Masamune, then he didn't deserve Ritsu's love. He just…had to try harder. That's all. Right?

* * *

The next day, as Masamune stepped out of the first floor restroom, he saw Ritsu getting off the elevator and heading towards the front doors, undoubtedly rushing to take the subway home and get away from— _no._ Taking a breath, Masamune used his longer legs to his advantage to follow Ritsu out, quickly gaining on him. Ritsu showed no sign of noticing him. Thank god. Maybe Masamune could actually accomplish something without ruining the chance in the first place.

He took another breath and called out, "Onodera!"

Ritsu didn't seem to have heard him—or, if he did, didn't show any indication of caring. Masamune's heart gave a painful jolt.

"Onodera!" He tried again, catching up to Ritsu and matching his shorter strides. "Jeez, when your superior is calling after you, you should answer back. What if it was important?"

Shrugging, Ritsu met his gaze head-on casually. "If it was important, Takano-san, then I apologize for not answering you back sooner. Is that all you need?"

"Yes—no! I mean no, no, that is not all I need." Keep calm, Masamune. He can't see your panic.

"Then what is it?"

Masamune struggled with himself to answer that. He didn't want to say what was truly on his mind, or he might fuck up his chances again. On the other hand, he had to do _something._ He couldn't just…let it go. He couldn't. _Oh. There's an idea._ With that in mind, he turned and grabbed onto Ritsu's hands. Ritsu stayed unresponsive, only stared up at him like he was waiting to be let go.

"Go on a date with me."

An eyebrow raise. "I don't want to."

Urgh, this guy was so frustrating. " _Please_ go on a date with me. It doesn't even have to be anything special. We could just have a coffee or take a walk or…" His voice trailed off. He was never one to ramble, so why was he now?

"Will this affect my work if I decline?"

Ah, here's your opening, Masamune. Use it. "Yes." He tried to nod importantly. "It's to…gather new ideas for your author's next story. She might need some, and you'll give them to her."

That eyebrow only rose a bit higher. "I sincerely doubt that she'll need any ideas from me, Takano-san. She's plenty creative herself."

"I'm not saying that she isn't. I just—"

"Takano-san. Please, if you would let go of my hands. There is nothing else we need to discuss." There was nothing. No facial change, no reaction, nothing. How could Ritsu do this to him? How could he just stand there and break Masamune's heart like this?

If Ritsu were a villain, Masamune would have already lost against him a long time ago.

Masamune lowered his head and just held on tighter. "Ritsu, why are you doing this? Don't you know how much I love you? Why can't you at least pretend that you feel something for me?" If anything, Ritsu could give him that much. Even if Ritsu didn't love him, Masamune could live with a facsimile of Ritsu's love. He was so fucking desperate. Isn't that just pathetic of him? He wanted…something, _anything_ , even if it were fake.

"Takano-san…"

God, not that tone. Anything but that sort of tone. Masamune knew that sort of tone. It was that sad understanding tone that people used when they didn't want to hurt your feelings but ended up breaking you apart anyways. Masamune hated that tone. It was the tone that his mother used with him when he found out his father of 17 years wasn't his real father. It was the tone that one of his conquests used with him in college when they found out about his broken heart. It was the same fucking tone that even _Yokozawa_ had used with him when he'd told him that Ritsu Oda was gone and wouldn't come back.

Why was that tone invented? It only hurt more than the truth.

"Takano-san." Ritsu had removed his hands from Masamune's slippery grip and patted them. Masamune refused to look up. He felt tears prickling the corners of his eyes.

 _No._ He couldn't cry in front of Ritsu. Ritsu would just pity him more. Ritsu would just leave and then he'd…he would…

His heart burned in his chest. He couldn't breathe. He clutched again at Ritsu's hands, trying to _keep him there. Ritsu can't leave._ He can't. If he did, Masamune would—

"I love you, Ritsu."

After a too-long pause, Ritsu only sighed and wrapped his arms around Masamune's torso. He rested his head against his chest. "I know."

 _He…wasn't leaving?_ Masamune looked up, the tears just barely holding onto his eyelids, barely daring to even breathe. He didn't want to break the moment, so he stayed quiet, unable to even move.

"You know…" Ritsu started quietly. "I never asked for this. But, well, your persistence will pay off eventually."

Feeling like he could breathe again, Masamune embraced Ritsu back, burying his face into that soft hair he loved so very much. He wanted to cry with relief, with happiness. Maybe Ritsu didn't love him quite yet. That was okay. He _accepted_ Masamune's love, and for now, that was okay. Ritsu would learn to love him—the right way, not how Masamune had been going about this the whole time.

It really wasn't the right time to kiss him, Masamune thought. They were in public and people were staring and it just wasn't the right time. But screw society and logic and manners. If Masamune wanted to kiss the love of his life, he could. He could stand to be a little selfish sometimes.

And with Ritsu's soft hair tickling his nose and Ritsu's warm breath and body and just _everything_ against his, Masamune kissed him.

The future was so uncertain, but right now, in this single moment with just the two of them, it seemed brighter than anything Masamune could have ever dreamed of.

* * *

A/N: This is also another one of my favorites.

-ChemicallyEnhanced


End file.
